Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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