Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize