I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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