I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
