i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
