Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
