I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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