he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize