If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
