I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
