Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
