I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
