Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
