playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
