he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
