he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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