Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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