dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
