Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
