It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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