When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
