the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
two words...techno handjob
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
