I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my liver is dry heaving
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
