Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need moral support for this bender
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
