I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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