I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
