I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
