Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
