Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
