he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
