No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
