Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
