Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
