guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
