Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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