she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
