Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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