do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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