just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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