This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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