people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
