Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
