it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
