It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
