Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
zippers are such a cool invention
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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