Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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