The beers last night were like the tears from god
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
