They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
