lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
