tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
