nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
