no, he came in my armpit
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
