We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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