would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize