be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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