i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
