I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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