Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
