.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
