David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
