i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
