Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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