moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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