I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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