The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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