Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
