no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
